It's been a very rough few weeks. I am still fat, but not very happy right now. It's been very hard for me to leave my home. I have a hard time even going to the store. If I am with someone, then I'm ok. But by myself all my fears and insecurities flood to the surface and I just can't go out. So tomorrow I'm going to go for a walk. I am going to go out side even if it kills me ( which it just might).
The funny thing is it really doesn't have anything to do with being fat. It's something else. Something I just can't put my finger on. I stay up all night, sleep half the day. I see the world rolling on by me, but I feel helpless to stop it. I want to get out the again. Find a job, something that may not pay a lot but will make me happy. I want to be around people. I don't want to feel like a freak among mortals.
I used to want to make a difference in the world. Change it in some profound way. Now I see I need to make a difference in me. I just don't know how to start. I feel lost and alone and blind. My new mission in life is to make a difference in my life. I want to find some profound path to being the best me I can be. Can someone point me to the start here sign?
Just got back from an extended Twitter break, looked you up and found your blog. All I can say my dear is, more, More, MORE!!!
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p.s. I just turned 39, I am pleasantly plump, I have a mustache(it makes me look distinguished!), and I LOVE CAKE!(Both the BAND and the FOOD! LOL!) So, can I join the club??? ;o)