Today I walked. I walked and I walked and it felt so good. I didn't power walk. I didn't walk fast. I just strolled and looked at the sky and enjoyed the cool breeze on my face. I even got rained on a little and it was wonderful. I walked to the Starbucks and had a hot apple cider. Then I waled some more. I didn't think. I didn't worry. And I didn't do it to loose weight, so there was no pressure. It was just a nice long stroll in the coll autumn weather. It's also something I think I will do again tomorrow.
So I have been thinking a lot about the direction of my life. Point in fact, it has been directionless. I have had so many good ideas. I have had so many good jobs. But there has always been something wrong with them. I have seen so many people who work horrible jobs that they hate, or work with horrible people that they can't stand, and they just slog through it day in and day out. I have never been able to that.I don't know why. I just can't.
I also have a lot of fear. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. The fear is a lot like my life. Directionless. But it's there an it holds me down as sure as Royal icing holds together a gingerbread house. So I need to find a way to free myself of the fear so that i can move on and maybe be happy with what ever path my life takes. Maybe I need to not just let the direction of my life be chosen by the breeze of destiny (yes, I know that is hoaky, but it works for me). So I have to find a way to get rid o f the fear, and steer my own destiny. I feel like the lead in a Julia Roberts movie, but with more bust and butt.
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